If You Can’t Do This On Your Own, You May Never Find Lasting Love
Humans are pack animals. We are designed to live, eat, work and play together. When we are single, in most cases, we are continually scanning and searching for the ideal mate to connect with and share our lives with. It is an instinctive, healthy drive.
In my mentoring practice, I see many clients searching outside themselves for satisfaction. In relationships, if we don’t possess a healthy sense of self, we match up with someone who perfectly fits the pieces of us we have discounted, disowned and rejected.
For example, let’s say you are a woman who grew up with a distant, emotionally unavailable father. You may choose a man where you have to ‘work hard’ for his attention. Initially, you have strong chemistry with this man and you feel like you can’t live without him near you.
Soon, within three months to three years, you find he drives you crazy and not in a good way. The very needs you want met, he seems unable to even see, never mind fulfill. You want affection, adoration and gifts, and he grants you the occasional dinner out and some quickie sex.
What do you do? You do more for him. You cook him more dinners at home, dress up in sexy lingerie, suggest therapy. It doesn’t do a damn thing to get back to those hot sexy days when you first met. And the more you do for him, the less he feels he has to do to woo you. The relationship fizzles. And the cycle begins again.
There is a way to break this cycle but 95% of the people who read this article won’t do it. I dare you to do it. If you do, you become a part of what I call the 5% club. The 5% club is the most exclusive club in the world. This is the club that no one invites you to join and only you can accept or reject yourself.
This club is called self-love. To achieve self-love, it is vital to develop your ability to receive… receive love, support, and help. To accept a compliment with a simple ‘thank you’ instead of a long story about how you bought the dress on sale after a friend told you about it, blah, blah, blah.
To love yourself, you also must develop your selfishness muscle. I know a bit about this, as I am recovering from breast cancer. The breasts literally exist for nurturing, sex, and feeding. I gave and gave and gave, thinking it would grant me love in return. Instead, it wore my spirit and my body out.
Looking at the scar where my breast used to be, I am astounded at the love that came to me when I simply said, “I surrender.” People, from ex-boyfriends to long lost friends, stepped up to help me in my hour of need. I wondered how I might learn to ask for support BEFORE life brought me to my knees.
Now, I’m not suggesting that if you over-give and forget yourself you are going to get cancer, but it doesn’t help matters.
If you really crave true romance and an IDEAL partner, here are my 5 tips for making sure YOU are ready to receive love before you enter the dating market:
1. Write out your intention for the relationship. How do you want to feel and be treated? How does your partner live their life? What is your spiritual goal for the relationship?
2. Make a list of all the things your previous partners had in common – the good, the bad and the ugly. Then, next to each item, make a note if it reminds you of one or both of your parents.
3. Make a list of what you most want to receive in the relationship. When you have a partner, ask them to do the same and trade lists. Are you willing to love them in the way they want to be loved so you can be loved in the way YOU want to be loved?
4. Track how you spend your time for one month. Now, going through your time inventory with a highlighter and highlight all the activities you love doing. In another color pen, circle all the activities you don’t like doing. Are you willing to be self-loving enough to ditch, delegate or re-design these activities to suit you?
5. Create a dream board that contains images that reflect your true feelings about love, relationships, sex, marriage, family. Put it in a place where it’s the first thing you see when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you see before you go to bed at night. You are programming your subconscious to help you focus on attracting what you most desire.
BONUS TIP: For additional success, release everything materially that isn’t useful, beautiful or essential to your life. Make sure that whatever you put your eyes and hands upon stirs love in your heart.